ramblings of a loveXpat

Learning from the Dutch?

2010-12-26T14:05:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me a photo today which advertises that the Netherlands is ranked the 4th happiest country to live, as opposed to Singapore that comes in a mere 81st position.

Little wonder.

The very few Dutch people that I know are a very contented lot. All they need is a TV, hanging out with middle school friends and family, alcohol and perhaps, some kaas (cheese).

A job is something mandatory that takes up ONLY eight hours in a day. It doesn’t need to be something they enjoy – its sole purpose is to bring in income so they can spend it on nice pieces of furniture, candles, alcohol, and definitely, more kaas.

The Dutch are also very focused – they choose to spend their time with a group of friends they have been hanging out with since they were 15. Their social circle stays the same, and so do their interests. They hang out, drinking alcohol and eating – what else – but cheese or cheese sticks?

I probably sound like I am mocking the Dutch – which I am – but I am also truly envious of the simplicity in their lives.

They don’t need more, they don’t want more, and as a result, most of them are happy.

While I don’t want to spend my life in front of a TV, drinking alcohol or eating kaas with only my middle school friends, I DO want to find that fine balance between the quest for more in life, and be contented with what I have.

And 2011 will be dedicated to that…. Part of it anyway, along with the other millions of things I would love to dip into.

Lost in Reality

2010-10-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

I recently started on a new job in another city. The commute to my new work place is not the most ideal, and the working hours of a new job (any new job) is naturally longer as I strive to learn the new ropes as quickly as possible. All that in addition to my usual struggles to learn the local language.

This just means I am cutting myself slack in my personal life; Less time for household chores, less time with the significant other, less time to do sports, less time to study etc.

I find myself thinking about hiring a housekeeper, buying a car so I can get to work quicker or buying an iPhone to entertain myself on the train journeys.

All of which are fine, except that they are against my principles.

Yes, me and my principles… A friend termed it as “S’s 10 commandments” which include:

Use public transport as frequently as possible because it is bad for the environment
No hiring of housekeeper or anyone to clean up my dirty mess or to do something I don’t want to do.
Buying unnecessary products which is really a waste of our earth’s resources

The same friend said I should just have one principle in life: make my life easier.

I want so hard to agree but I can’t.

Life should be easier. But it is not, and the least I need to do is make sure I don't turn into a stranger.

Shaping up… finally

2010-03-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

2010 did not kick off to a good start.

I was feeling a little sick as we wrapped up 2009 and had tons of things to do before I was due back home in February. As a result, I was strung up, stressed and grouchy.

I guess things only got better after I was back home. Sure, I was extremely busy; working remotely, catching up with friends, spending whatever little time with family, shopping, eating – the usual.

The ironic thing was that I didn’t even think I was in a better place until I arrived back in Amsterdam.

Just before I left for Amsterdam, I told my friends my late New Year resolution / Lunar New Year resolution: To love the Dutch people as much as I love my countrymen.

Now, that didn’t quite get off to a good start. Right after I said that, I had a nasty run in with a rude Dutch man. I was raising my voice in the airport and was ready to exhibit the shouting skills I have mastered over my years of living in China.

Anyway, back to the present.

I had to go to the doctor on Monday for some checks. I went alone as I figured it wasn’t all that hard and I should be well-equipped to handle the Dutch people alone.

The first check went well. They took some blood; the kind nurse offered me some tea.

The second appointment with the specialist did take a little getting used to. The specialist insisted on speaking to me In Dutch even after I told her my Dutch wasn’t that great. Her reason being she had to do it in her native language. So the whole consultation was mainly in Dutch, with me peppering the whole conversation in bits of English or rephrasing whatever she said in stupidly simple Dutch.

And I have to say, it all went very well.

Now, it wasn’t that I was in an especially good mood yesterday although it was the first day after four days I could drink coffee or tea again. But I was strangely not offended by any of these.

Sure, it was a bit more difficult for me, but did a part of my flesh fell off?

Nope, instead, I got to practise my Dutch which was great! My confidence in speaking the language also went up slightly although I have to confess I am often still terrified at speaking the language.

I like to think this change came about because of my new resolution and my personal experience back home in Singapore.

See, in Singapore, I did the same with some Chinese people in the service industry. I was assisted by Chinese salesperson who kept speaking to me in Mandarin but I persisted speaking to them in English. My logic is: if you are here to work in the service industry, you jolly well give MY country a good name and learn how to speak the language, you LAZY ass.

Why ever the change came about, I am happy I was surprisingly calm while the significant other and my good friend raised their voices and exclaimed at the idiocy of the locals.

After all, who knows how long this would last.

Two years on...

2009-12-25T03:17:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve marked my second year anniversary in the Netherlands. Two years is not a long time for hardcore expats, but for me, this is a milestone because this is the longest I have stayed in a foreign land out of my free will.

Yes, I have always been a see it, like it, get sick of it gal and have developed love-hate relationships with most places I have lived in.

On the high plateau of Tibet, I love the warm-hearted local people, the quaint little night market where I got my 30 euro cents of delicious noodles and the ease of how we foreigners hung out together. We were like family who could call each other up anytime, anywhere.

But after 15 months, I grew tired of the lies, the complicated stories and decided it was about time to pack up my bag and walked away.

It was the same with the industrial city near Guangzhou. I love the school I was working at, the availability of western restaurants, the huge Wal-Mart but despised the city for its soullessness among other things.

So, it is really no surprise I too have a love-hate relationship, or rather, a hate-love relationship with the Lowlands.

My significant other’s family has been nothing but great every time I visit. They welcome me with hugs, kisses, kind words and balloons and I love them dearly for it.

Yet when people ask me: What do you like about Holland? I am usually at a loss of words.

So as a ‘Embrace the true spirit of Christmas’, I have decided to launch a why I love the Netherlands piece.

Practicality
I am trying to convince the Dutch authorities to have this up as a warning – Holland: Whiners & hygiene freaks, enter at your own risk.

Whiners who have moved here will tell you that they are being mocked at constantly. Locals don't tolerate nonsense, or if they do, it's usually with a tinge of sarcasm. Some fine examples are when I complain I am getting a little fleshy, people say: Yes, you are sooooo FAT (which is clearly not the right answer).

Another classic one is when they perceive being unhygienic is good for health : My colleague brought her kids to the office for a farewell dinner. Now, my office is not the cleanliness as seen from the mice party at night time. My colleague's two-year-old son dropped his cookie on the floor. She coolly picked it up and handed it back to him. Me? My eyes rolled back 180 degrees and it took all my willpower not to hyperventilate or faint.

On the other hand, the Dutch culture forces you to adopt creative whining.

If you want to see a specialist, you need to get your get your Oscar-winning skills act together. Fling your head around, moan dramatically, squeeze out a few tears and you may just be lucky enough.

Punctuality
The Dutch pride themselves to be very punctual people. If they say they come by at 5pm, they will be there at 5pm. Not a minute earlier or later.

While I do love that aspect about them, I still have a lot to learn.

See where I came from, 5pm really means 5.30pm and I am often shocked when people turn up at the time I have said.

Also, a note of advice to all locals: Please do not turn this virtue of yours into a ritual. It’s okay to be late by 10 minutes and there is really no need to yell at your significant other just because you perceived her to be taking her own sweet time.

Non-consumerism culture
Coming from Singapore which is THE land of consumerism, the Netherlands is a refreshing change. Here, time and again, I have spotted people carrying a plastic bag instead of a proper sling bag to work. Or people who are wearing gorgeous suits with a 10-year-old rug sack left over from college days.

People here just don't care. It’s making do with whatever you have and only buying whatever that is necessary. You don’t need to have the latest LV bag or iPhone to look cool or have matching shoes and bags. It’s random art as you please.

And the best part? It means I can dress in sweats to work and no one else will bat an eyelid.

Bicycles
I love how the Dutch cycle everywhere. It snowed heavily last week throughout the country and mothers are still cycling on the slippery floor with their two young kids on the bicycle. Their logic: Then what else can I do? Take them by car and be stuck in a traffic jam? I also love the way Dutch people travel to the airport – they drag their suitcases as they biked to the train station. And the ultimate? I saw a lady transport her Christmas tree in her bicycle bag last weekend.

Me? I am truly integrated in that sense. I want to cycle everywhere despite the rain and think I can cycle with bags and all attached to my bicycle. I know I can do it – I just need to find a way to convince the significant other of my biking skills.

Cloudy days

2009-11-26T14:43:00.000-08:00

The northern European weather was on us today.

The wind howled and the rain pelted while I was held captive in the office. I wanted to run out of the door but chains of life were holding me down.

I hate my life and how mundane it has become. I hate the lucklastre me that stares back in the mirror. I hate how I have lost sight on what is truly close to my heart.

This, is one of my cloudy days. Where I hate everything in this adopted land of mine. Where I think about packing my life in my suitcase and heading for the airport. Where I just want to be blown away by the wind that comes along with the dark gloomy clouds.

What's a loveXpat?

2009-11-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

The term loveXpat is not a common term.

For the past 20 minutes, I crawled the web to check out different definitions of a loveXpat. I couldn't find any. Either I was spelling it wrong, or the people in this land have been pulling my leg for the past 22 months.

Either way, a loveXpat is someone who moves to another country because his or her significant other is a citizen of that country.

So, yes, I am a loveXpat because my husband is Dutch. I arrived in the Lowlands on the Christmas Eve of December 2007 and have been looking back since. I blame it on the stupidity of youth.

So what else defines a loveXpat?

While I hate the idea of labels, it is necessary that a clearer definition is drawn up for the less knowledgeable. We don't want you confusing the high and mighty expats, loveXpats and laid-back internationals.

A common trait shared by all three groups is their constant ability to poke fun of the locals. Whether it is their multi-tasking skills while riding their bicycles, their ability to ignore the long queues in front of them and cut right in or their loud and incessant talking in restaurants - put them all in a room and BOOM - it's the bashing locals party.

And if you have been to one of these amazing parties, you will notice the loveXpat is the one that's moaning the loudest. In short, she or he's a bitch. The weather, the people, the food - they all suck.

And frankly, it's because they are the ones who don't have a choice. They didn't choose to move to the country because they LOVE it. It was probably a more convenient choice for them. They are also the ones who are forced to interact with the locals whether they like it or not.

The expats, on the other hand, come to the new land because of a promising career advancement. They earn more, can spend more and do not have any family obligations.

The internationals, drawn to the new land of excitement, can't wait to explore their new home. They came because they chose to, and most of the time, they already have an unknown fascination for the country.

In short, loveXpats are not a happy lot. They grumble, whine and complain on a daily basis.

Honey, there is no power! What kind of third world country do you come from?
The shops close at 6pm - Baby! Your country is stupid! How can anyone go shopping after work?
The formal letter is not in English - DEAR! I NEED you to translate the letter AGAIN! Why do they keep sending me letters without translating it to English?

Welcome to the world of a loveXpat - a world of tears, excessive moaning and roller coaster emotional rides which may all suddenly clear up when the sun shines through the misty clouds.